Dear Roommate:

I understand we have only been living with each other for a little over a week, but here are some things that you do that annoy the shit out of me and need to correct.

1. You leave the bath toys in the bathtub after your shower. Did you do that at your old place? Because it isn't going to fly here. Toys need to go back to their spot. Because I sure as hell don't want to pick them up when I need to shower. Another thing about them. They are our bath toys, so if you wouldn't treat them like crap. That'd be great too.

2. If you are going to drink milk. Wash out your cup when you are done. Bad milk is fucking disgusting and I don't want to deal with that. I wash out my bowl and measuring cups when I use milk. You can rinse out your fucking cup. And please use one cup the whole day. We only have a certain number of cups and I don't need to be washing all of them every day.

3. Sort of on the same subject. If you are not going eat all of your food, put it in a storage container. Last night you wasted a good amount of Velvetta pasta. I could have had that for lunch. Or you could have had it when you came home. Instead it sat on the counter all night. I don't care if you think you might finish it that night, put it away.

4. You aren't allowed to have the remotes if you can't remember where they go or where the last place you had them was. They go on the window sill so the babies don't get them. Not on the couch. Not on the bookshelf. Not on the coffee table. On the window sill.

5. While we are looking for said remotes, don't sit on your fucking ass and stare at your phone. Don't keep messaging the guy that abused you. Just fucking stop being on your phone all the fucking time.

6. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR DAUGHTER! She wants your attention. She wants to sit with you and have you play with her. She doesn't want you to yell at her for being a baby. She doesn't want you to yell at her for being fucking hungry. I'm not going to watch her because she isn't mine. I will watch my baby. My very good baby who actually listens to me (most of the time) and is 8 months YOUNGER then yours.

7. PUT YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES AWAY!!!! I am sick and fucking tired of them being in the fucking basket and washer and dryer. I have shit that needs to be washed also. You know how to put fucking clothes away. So do it.

8. Towels...don't...belong...in...the...livingroom. End of story.

9. If your daughter is going to play with the toys we bought, you can help put them away. I don't care if "It's a lot of work to count the blocks and put together the puzzles." Toys need to be put away properly, and just throwing everything in there isn't proper.

I think that's it...