"Friends"

I'm pretty sure I have already written about this, but I just don't care.

I am sick and tired of trying to maintain a friendship with some of my High School friends. What is the point? Is there even reason to do so? I don't think so. If feels like they don't want to be my friend anymore. It feels like they don't care about me anymore. I have always been there for them, but whenever I need to talk to someone, they never message me back. Not until a day, or even longer, later; if they ever message me back at all. It makes me feel like that there is no point in their friendships anymore.

It really hurt my feelings when I message them, and they see it, but don't respond. Or if I message them something specific, like wanting to hang out, and then message them again later and they actually respond to my "Hey.", they will ignore me wanting to hang out with them. I am sick of giving them an invitation to come to my house whenever they want to, or need to. And them not ever wanting to do it. I am sick of them hanging out with each other, but not bothering to invite me. I am sick of the fact that having a kid makes me uninvitable to places. I am sick of always messaging them first. I am sick of not having friends in real life that actually care about me. I am sick of being the only one trying to be friends anymore. I am getting sick of them.

I would love to drop them. Love to see how that plays out. LOVE to see them do nothing. LOOOOVE to see them not even notice.

But, for one, one of them has two of my books. I need to get them back before even doing that. And 2, I am probably to big of a coward to even do it.

But it doesn't matter. This whole post doesn't matter. I will probably continue to put up with the crap friends that I have. I will continue to be depressed every time I "talk" to them.

More about moving.

To start off, I have such creative names for my posts. Don't I?

We moved yesterday. At least most of our house. The important things at least. Like the bed. And Marshall's crib. We have the couch/futon, but it isn't put together yet. We didn't really finish until 10 last night, and by then we were so exhausted we didn't want to do anything else. Not to mention we still have MORE things to grab from the old place. Isn't it just super fun. 

Right now Joe is returning the Uhaul, and then going to grab some things from the old place. And then come get me and Marshall. So I am taking this opportunity to have Marshall take a nap, because yesterday he did NOT get one. He wasn't a happy camper. 

The thing that frustrated me the most about yesterday was that me and Joe had to do it all by ourselves. With Marshall. Because even though I have friends that don't work on Wednesdays, and Joes mom doesn't work at all. No one could be bothered to help us move, and she could have bothered about even OFFERING to help watch Marshall. She complains all the time about not seeing him enough, and yesterday was a great chance to. And she didn't want to. 

I want to post a really sarcastic status on my Facebook saying thanks to everyone that helped us and that we really appreciate it. /sarcasm. But I know that will hurt peoples feelings, so I won't. Instead I'll tell you guys how hurt I am that no one cared enough to help. Everyone knew we were moving. I had posted about it multiple times in the past 2 weeks. I guess it just shows me who my true "friends" are. 

And I use that word lightly, because at this point I feel like I don't have friends in real life. Everyone that is nice to me is on the internet, and even then hardly anyone talks to me.. 

I'm just frustrated and tired of this and the whole situation.. 

So I didn't post yesterday or the day before. Mainly because I was busy, but also because I don't like writing this stuff out and my husband asking me constantly what I am writing, even though I told him 5 times. Over the span of 20 minutes.

Anyways. Yesterday we had friends over. Monday night is this couple night we have where some friends come over and we eat dinner, sometimes dessert and play a game. We usually play Munchkins. It is the only day of the week we see other people. And we started doing it, like we suggested the idea. Thankfully they haven't backed out of it. So that's nice... I'm waiting for the day though. We shall see.

We had meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner yesterday. I love my husbands meatloaf. So yummy. Sunday was one of my friends birthday, so we asked her what she wanted and that's what she wanted. I also made her a cake. It was a marble cake with whipped cream frosting. The frosting was good. Tasted like cool whip, but homemade. I like to do everything homemade. It's just so much more fun. The cake was ok. I thought it was a little dense, but everyone else loved it. We had some Tequila Sunrises too. I don't really like orange juice, but other then that it was ok.

I like when we have people over. It is nice to have the house clean for someone besides myself. It's nice to socialize, the little that I do get to do. The only thing I don't like is it's 6 people in a small living room and it gets loud because no one knows how to control their volume.

(Now Marshall is waking up from his morning nap. I'm probably just gonna end this here, and do another post later. Best to separate my thoughts into different posts anyways.)

I wish...

There are a few things I wish about almost daily. I wish I had a cleaner house. I wish I had a longer fuse. I wish I had chocolate. But the main thing I wish about, especially on a day like this. A day where I will be alone until 11 PM. A day where my only company is my screaming toddler. I wish I had friends. I guess I do have friends. But I have friends that even though they tell me I can call them and they'll come over if I want, always seem to be busy. Busy with my other "friends". I want to be able to go and have fun. Hang out. Mess around like I used to. 

It's not like before I had my son I had much of a social life, but I at least got invited to go do things with them. Sometimes I wonder if I cross their mind when they make plans to go do something. If I do, do they just brush me off because I have a kid? Do they think "What about Illeana? No, she has a son. She won't be able to come. There is no point in inviting her." 

I am just depressing myself thinking about this. Why am I writing this? Why make myself sad thinking about it? Oh that's right. Because everyone is busy and I have no one to even talk to. I can't text them, because I won't get anything back for hours. Sometimes I don't even get anything back at all. What's the point of having friends if you don't see them?