I wish...

There are a few things I wish about almost daily. I wish I had a cleaner house. I wish I had a longer fuse. I wish I had chocolate. But the main thing I wish about, especially on a day like this. A day where I will be alone until 11 PM. A day where my only company is my screaming toddler. I wish I had friends. I guess I do have friends. But I have friends that even though they tell me I can call them and they'll come over if I want, always seem to be busy. Busy with my other "friends". I want to be able to go and have fun. Hang out. Mess around like I used to. 

It's not like before I had my son I had much of a social life, but I at least got invited to go do things with them. Sometimes I wonder if I cross their mind when they make plans to go do something. If I do, do they just brush me off because I have a kid? Do they think "What about Illeana? No, she has a son. She won't be able to come. There is no point in inviting her." 

I am just depressing myself thinking about this. Why am I writing this? Why make myself sad thinking about it? Oh that's right. Because everyone is busy and I have no one to even talk to. I can't text them, because I won't get anything back for hours. Sometimes I don't even get anything back at all. What's the point of having friends if you don't see them?