So I didn't post yesterday or the day before. Mainly because I was busy, but also because I don't like writing this stuff out and my husband asking me constantly what I am writing, even though I told him 5 times. Over the span of 20 minutes.

Anyways. Yesterday we had friends over. Monday night is this couple night we have where some friends come over and we eat dinner, sometimes dessert and play a game. We usually play Munchkins. It is the only day of the week we see other people. And we started doing it, like we suggested the idea. Thankfully they haven't backed out of it. So that's nice... I'm waiting for the day though. We shall see.

We had meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner yesterday. I love my husbands meatloaf. So yummy. Sunday was one of my friends birthday, so we asked her what she wanted and that's what she wanted. I also made her a cake. It was a marble cake with whipped cream frosting. The frosting was good. Tasted like cool whip, but homemade. I like to do everything homemade. It's just so much more fun. The cake was ok. I thought it was a little dense, but everyone else loved it. We had some Tequila Sunrises too. I don't really like orange juice, but other then that it was ok.

I like when we have people over. It is nice to have the house clean for someone besides myself. It's nice to socialize, the little that I do get to do. The only thing I don't like is it's 6 people in a small living room and it gets loud because no one knows how to control their volume.

(Now Marshall is waking up from his morning nap. I'm probably just gonna end this here, and do another post later. Best to separate my thoughts into different posts anyways.)

Something is off today..

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I just can't seem to handle life today. The past couple days actually. My fuse is shorter then normal. I get angry at the smallest and stupidest things and I just don't know why.

Every time I go breastfeed my son I get upset because he is touching me to much. It makes no sense. I never had an issue with it before. It might be because of the fact I can't sit on the couch, lay down or do anything but stand without him shoving his face in my breasts and screaming. It doesn't matter if I had just fed him either. And by just I mean he literally just stopped eating and I put everything away.

It's frustrating when he touches me, because he has to be right against me. He has to pull my hair and eat it. Drool on me. Push against me. He invades my personal space and has been doing it all day, every day for the last 15 months. It's sad to say but I really wish sometimes I could just hang up the "Mom" apron and put on a new one. Any one. I just want to get away from him for a while.

Does that make me a bad mom? Does that make me a bad person?

I don't think so. I think everyone needs a break every once in a while. The longest I get away from him is if I walk to the store real quick when my husband is home. Or nap time. The last time I was away from him for more then 45 minutes was in February. That means it's been 7 months. 7 months with 0 time alone.

I try to tell my husband how I feel, and he just doesn't understand. He gets angry because apparently he is doing everything he can to make me happy. All I want is one day. Just one, to not have to deal with my son. To not freak out every time I get touched. One day for myself.